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[20 Nov 2009|06:52am] |
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Plan for today:
Work til 2.
School til 6 or 7.
Drunk with Gwen til ???
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[15 Nov 2009|10:55pm] |
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I've never understood those lyrics.
And frankly I'm scared to take the advice.
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[14 Nov 2009|03:40pm] |
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I can't say what I mean.
Someone can,
So I relate. Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes. I'm not letting you check out.
You will beat this starting now and you will always be around.
I'm there to monitor your breathing
I will watch you while you're sleeping.
I will keep you safe and sound.
Does anybody remember back when you were very young.
Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?
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[14 Nov 2009|03:10pm] |
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She showed me how to love and I taught her how to hate.
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[31 Oct 2009|03:29pm] |
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It's below 60 today.
I'm looking up into the sun.
Gulls in the distance,
Waves crashing, nearly touching my feet.
I can almost feel the annoying grain of sand stuck between my toes.
Wait, that's not the sun.
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[25 Oct 2009|10:22pm] |
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It's not much but it's progress.
And steps forward feel really good.
I don't feel stuck.
Don't worry I'll catch up.
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[24 Oct 2009|11:46pm] |
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The little things in life can make all the difference.
I haven't had a Twinkie in a few years.
I missed trying to speak while chewing.
Not even the taste, just the weird memories it brought back.
And yes zombieland inspired this decision. Two days ago, this kid I work with asked one of my managers, "why did you move to America sayid?"
My manager responded, "to work at cvs."
I've been hating this place since I started but it makes you wonder,
If he escaped his home back in the middle east to work at cvs, what was life like there?
I still hate this place but I can only imagine what life could have been like for him.
Grass isn't greener anywhere.
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[24 Oct 2009|08:42pm] |
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Sometimes the people you don't expect to, make all the difference.
And sometimes the people you don't expect to, let you down.
Just life I guess.
It's been awfully strange lately too.
Things are starting to come together again slowly but surely.
Give me some time, I just need a little time.
I'll show you. I've been looking for something to turn my mood around.
One person today helped realize what I needed to do to make that happen.
I'm starting to feel better already.
I just hope it all works out.
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[23 Oct 2009|01:36pm] |
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music |
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Elliott smith |
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Oh we're so very precious, you and I
And everything that you do makes me want to die
Oh I just told the biggest lie
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[22 Oct 2009|07:29pm] |
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I feel like I do everything wrong when I can't get in.
Is it pompous of me to think I'm the problem.
I like to think I'm not, but I probably am.
I guess I'll stop while I'm ahead now.
Who am I kidding, I'll stop because at this point, staying in the same place is better than falling even more behind. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[20 Oct 2009|10:25pm] |
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As if embarrassing myself wasn't enough,
I had to embarrass her too.
Life works in weird ways.
I don't know half as much as I think I do.
What's worse is that most of the time I can't even articulate the way I really want to.
It makes me wonder, maybe if I read more as a kid I'd have the broad vocabulary necessary to accomplish the task.
Maybe if I spent more time on books than focusing when I was going to hang out with friends.
I'm left behind.
The others are long strides ahead, and I have to play catch up.
Only they are keeping their pace.
I am struggling to find mine. It was an act of defense on my part.
I was cowering because I hate being wrong or falling back on the words that I didn't mean to use.
I'm too quick to react.
The very thing my father does that I always loathed as a child.
I always promised myself I'd be more patient than him.
I'd be more reasonable.
More understanding.
It's impossible to understand things that you can't comprehend.
Things you've never experienced.
I'm not man enough to fit into their shoes.
Maybe one day I'll be enough of a man for you. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[11 Oct 2009|08:36am] |
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She took out the part that used to read, "have a great boyfriend."
Probably because it would make her a liar.
I am so stupid to assume I made her cry.
Even upset she's still the most beautiful girl I've seen.
I wish I could do something, but at this point I'd probably only fuck things up.
I can't stand myself right now and I can't bear to hear her like this.
1300 miles doesn't make it any better. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[10 Oct 2009|11:22pm] |
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She won't think of me the same. But I love her, so I'll have to live with my mistakes. I'm not giving up without a fight. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[09 Oct 2009|10:52pm] |
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I will stop smoking weed.
I will stop watching porn.
I will stop hurting those I care about.
I will stop spending unnecessarily.
I will stop lying to you.
I will stop lying to myself.
I will do it starting now. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[09 Oct 2009|07:38pm] |
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It's been so long now since I've felt like this. Now it's worse than ever. An all time low. A hole I've dug myself into, so deep, I can't see the light out. I tried to ask my mother for advice but she only told me to say the things I've already said. I guess only I can fix it now. I just don't know how. I'm so scared that I'm trembling. I'm so nervous that I feel sick. How can I be so stupid. How was I so fucking stupid. That wasn't who I am. And I'm sad to say that it really happened and that was who I was. No one is perfect. No one but her. And now I'm paying for my stupid mistakes. I don't know what to do. It's been so long since I've felt this confused. I don't like it, I can't take it. I can't run away from this. I refuse to. I am better than this whether you believe it or not. I will prove it to anyone. I was so scared of feeling alone, and now I feel it more than ever for what I've done. I don't know what I'd do if you were gone. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[30 Aug 2009|08:10am] |
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"I'm not passionate about anything."
I think you are.
Just like I am.
Just give it all time. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[18 Aug 2009|01:20am] |
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I love when you say I love you.
Especially out of the blue in that cute voice. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[09 Aug 2009|03:13pm] |
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Feeling a little lost lately in my current location.
Never been completely sure but I thought so at least.
It's just hard when your friends are scattered and your heart is far away.
I'm getting my life on track, I just don't know where that will take me.
That's the excitement I guess.
I need to practice self control. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[27 Jul 2009|12:58am] |
"sleep well sweet heart," has a great flow.
it rolls off the tongue so easily.
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[23 Jul 2009|05:06pm] |
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one day i'll take pictures of you like that, every where we go.
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